Going on a date. (A list of things to remember.)

I rarely date. It is just not my thing. My thing is sitting at home, not being on a date.

But if you should decide to go on a date, here are some things to remember:

1. Only date living creatures of your own species. (It's not socially acceptable to date a dead dog.)

2. Before going out, you should always make sure, that your sexual orientations fit.  (If you are a heterosexual male, you should date a heterosexual female.)

3. Be sure to understand the importance of number 2 on this list. Please allow me to explain it. Maybe this equation will help:

X (A heterosexual female) + Y (A heterosexual male) = Ø (A perfect sexual match)

This would work, but now try and compare the first equation with this:

Z (A bisexual female) + D (A homosexual female) = T (A perfect sexual movie)

This would work as well. Now pay attention, because the last one is a bit more complicated:

Y (A heterosexual male) + U (A homosexual male) = P (Two dissapointed males)

This last equation does not include factors like level of alcohol and if Y is in the mood for experimenting. If these factors are just right the equation would look like this:

Y (A drunk heterosexual male) + U (A slightly less drunk homosexual male) = Oh (A massive hangover + A massive erection)


4. Remember to have ice cream in the fridge, for when you get home. (Let's face it. Most dates will go wrong. Why? Because people going on dates, often are people who likes dating. If the date should go well and turn in to a relationship, you are no longer allowed to date.)

You are now ready to go on a date with another person. Enjoy!

If you have any questions regarding the equations or anything else, please do not hesitate to ask me.

Any questions?

I think the next post on my blog, on the world wide web, should be an offer for everyone with access to the world wide web.

If any of you have any questions, you are always welcome to ask me. I know everything, and I will need subjects to write about.

One example could be the question: "Why have you not answered my e-mail? Are you not on 'the information superhighway'?"

If I was asked this exact question, my answer would probably be: "I have not seen the e-mail, you have sent me. But if you are on 'the information superhighway', would you not know that we no longer call it this?"

See, I answer in the form of a question. What would the Dalai Lama do? Exactly the same. (If I should keep it up, it should have been "Exactly the same?")

So if you have a question and you would like an answer (or a new question) my e-mail is laugh@mortencomedy.com.