It's not the job that stresses you..

..It's the time off. I've learned this from starting my new job. I work in an office and whenever I'm there, I'm relaxed.

The reason for this is that the job is now the clearest authority figure in my world. Whenever I'm there, I'm satisfying my master. I'm doing my duty as a citizen. No one can touch me, as long as I'm filling in a position somewhere. Everyone needs me to do this 40 hours a week.

So I do it. With pleasure. It gives me a security.

But when I'm off, when I have to leave the office, the stress kicks in. All I can think about is that I need to go back. I need to get all my relaxing done before the next morning. So I rush home. I'm pushing people I don't even know on the tube and the bus. "I've payed my dues people! Get out of my way!"

I'm in such a hurry to get home to relax. I rarely realize, how much I could relax on the time I'm travelling. Sometimes I look at streets I pass and think: "I've never been down that street, maybe I should. It looks nice. After all I see it everyday." Only to rush by it the very next morning.

It would probably be terrible to go down that street. I might meet some of the people, I kick on the tube. They might interrupt my relaxation. Maybe I would have to go back and let them interrupt even more. It's probably best to stay on the bus. At least there's a seat for me here.

I feel so stressed on my days off, because I know that I need to go back to my master. He's the only one, who really needs me. He's the man in my life. My man. The MAN. There's no time for other people in my life.

I feel bad when I let my master down. I hate it, when I come in late, and it's not my fault. This happened once, when another person from the working force had stepped out on the rails. One life was ended and everyone else had their life paused for 25 minutes, until we again could continue our journey towards our positions.

Everyone was more stressed. There was more pushing, than I've experienced before. Everyone was very annoyed with the delay and having to let their master down.

But here on my day off, I think I might have a solution to this problem. If we take it that at least 1000 persons was delayed by this incident, the math looks like this:

1 (life) = 1000 (persons) x 25 (minutes delayed) = 25000 (total minutes delayed)

This might not be interesting on it's own, but try to compare it to this:

1000 (persons) x 5 (minutes talking to a stranger)

= 5000 (minutes spend on getting to know another member of the working force) = 0 (life)

As it occur here, we could save 20000 minutes and 1 life altogether. Of course this is only a theory. It hasn't been tested, but I'll try to do it. In between relaxing.

Horoscopes are mostly for the stars.

I am starting to have a great interest in horoscopes. I do not find astronomy interesting at all, but horoscopes are great. Therefore, as a service to you, I will now do todays horoscopes for the zodiac signs Taurus, Gemini and Cancer.

Taurus:
Today you will read your horoscope. It will be written in the font "times new roman". After you have read your horoscope, you will still not know, what is going to happen with your day.


Gemini:
You will, at some point today, think of a special person in your life. It could be after reading a horoscope, and most likely, it is not relevant to you or to that special person in your life, but you really want to believe in horoscopes.

Cancer:
Shit happens...

World Premiere!

It most certainly is. This is my first blog ever in the language of English. First blogs are always tough, because you often forget, you have to write about something. Some people write about nothing and some want attention as fast as possible.

I know what I want. I want you to read it! Yes, you are allowed to read this. You are not peeping here on my blog. Please remember this. I have invited you here. When i use the word "you," it is because chances are, you are the only one reading this.

Now that we have established some ground rules, I should probably continue with a proper introduction of my self. When you describe yourself, you often start with your name, age and origin, I will save those for later.

Right now I live in an apartment with my friend of the age 32 and his cat Junkie of the age Ø (Ø=Hopefully dead soon). Maybe you have already noticed that I am not a fan of the cat. But is it reasonable for a person to hate (Yes, now it's hate) a cat? I believe it is.

My friend is away on travel for two weeks, so right now I am home alone with the cat, Junkie. Yesterday I was supposed to clean the litterbox, and so I did. Did I throw up? Yes. And how did the cat thank me? By attacking me? Yes. If I had a real person friend, who did this to me, he/she would not be my friend anymore. At least I had paid my dues, and the cat had a nice clean toilet.

Now you, as the reader, might be thinking: "When you woke up this morning, was the floor outside your room covered in shit?" Yes. Yes, it was. The floor was covered in shit. Was it your cat who did this? No. Did you have to clean it, because the owner of this cat is in Brazil? Yes.

Is it reasonable for a person to hate a cat? Yes.

My name is Morten. I am 26 years old. I live in Copenhagen, Denmark with my friend and his cat, Junkie.

PS. The cat bothered me the entire time while I was writing this. (If you don't like this blog, you'll hate the cat!)